Arguing with invisible people in my head

Pornography for your ego

Apparently the French call it esprit de l’escalier, which I think translates to “staircase wit”. It’s for that situation when you think of the perfect comeback for something someone said to you earlier. It’s as if you’re walking up some stairs, long after some argument you lost, and you think, “goddamn it, I should have said…”

Sometimes, that perfect comeback isn’t just a pithy little turn of phrase that would have slotted into one ideal moment. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in that I have thought out whole arguments with people. I can think about it for as long as it takes to shower or commute somewhere on my bike. I can go through different permutations if the argument goes one way or another. If they say this then I could say that, and if they say that I could say this.

Not only am I not alone, I’m pretty sure some people take it further than I have. Last time I was in Vancouver, I was walking around the Granville Island Market, and I saw this dude, kind of a big guy, not super muscular, but tall and heavy set. He was walking by me as I was eating a sandwich or something, and he caught my eye because he was throwing punches and kicks into the air, just enough motion for him to act out the scenario in his head, but restrained enough to not be a problem in public. His eyes were red…